16 May 2006

the future is now

I suppose waiting over a week between "blog" entries isn't the best way to hold people's interest. I've decided to try to write every day while I'm home, as I don't have a whole lot to do anyway.

I'm not sure where to begin. In the last week or so, I took my last final exam as an undergraduate, went to my college's baccalaureate ceremony, went to my university commencement, moved out of the last dorm I'll ever live in (fingers crossed), moved my belongings into my first apartment (where I'll officially live as of June 1st), house-sat in Queens, went to Sonia and Kira's graduation party, and flew home to Wisconsin for a nice relaxing vacation.

Except it's not exactly relaxing as I'm completely broke and sort of afraid (read: scared shitless) of how I'm going to handle paying rent and paying my student loans when I don't have a job. I do have some sort of hope that I'll find a job... and I'm excited about a couple of (non-income producing) projects that I'm working on. I'm learning how to use Photoshop and Dreamweaver, and I'm hoping to work on making websites with a friend of mine.

I can't quite decide how I feel... I vacillate between absolute terror and giddy excitement nearly constantly. I've gone back and forth twice since I started this paragraph. I think my indecision comes from the fact that I've been inadvertently preparing for this moment since junior high or so. I say inadvertently because I worked hard in high school to get into a good college and worked hard in college to... I'm not sure what I thought I was preparing for, which is what makes it inadvertent. Do you see what I mean? I've been out of school for a week now, so my powers of explanation and clear-writing skills are quickly disappearing. Oh man, clear-writing skills? I am clearly screwed.

I'm not sure exactly what my point is... maybe just that I went into debt (I'm not going to try to horrify you by telling you the exact figure) and went through a lot to get to this moment. I'm a college graduate, and now it's time to be an adult. Well, it's at least time to be responsible and independent. I have to actually do something worthwhile after preparing to do something worthwhile for so long, and that is a frightening prospect.

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