Date: Friday, May 5, 2006 6:54 pm
Subject: NYU Commencement Webcast
> Dear Graduating Senior,
> This year's commencement exercises will be broadcast live on the
> web. Friends and family who cannot be present at graduation can
> still join in the celebration by logging on to:
> On this webpage, you will find information about May 11th's
> Commencement Webcast
> as well as a link to Real Networks. You will need the RealPlayer
> to watch the webcast and can download the software for free. This
> year's festivities promise to be exciting, and you don't have to
> miss a minute of it -- just tell everyone to log on to the URL above.
Yes, that's right, now all of you can see me graduate through the magic of the internets! Of course, you won't actually be able to see me graduate because they don't read anyone's names at commencement. But as I understand it, they'll have one representative from my college's class accept a diploma (well, a folder that looks like it has a diploma, I guess) on behalf of all 1500 CAS graduating seniors. Or maybe it's 2000; either way, you can watch it happen!
You can also watch Justice Anthony Kennedy (or maybe it's David Souter... no, I think it's Kennedy... if in fact there's a Justice named Anthoney Kennedy...) talk about... whatever it is people talk about when they give Commencement addresses. The future? If it's anything like my college application essay for NYU, Justice Anthony Kennedy's future will include robot monkey butlers and me ruling the world.
(I'm completely, 100% serious. My essay in response to NYU's "Describe the Future" prompt included robot monkeys, me ruling the world through a puppet-like figurehead (think Bush-Cheney circa 2001, only slightly less evil), and an ending wherein I told Oprah my grand success was all due to my NYU education. And they let me in!)
Enough of this nonsense. I need to study so I can get an A on my last college exam ever (until grad school).