While I was home a few weeks ago, I recieved a letter from NYU. Apparently, they would like me to contribute to the Alumni Fund.
What's that you say? Didn't I just graduate THREE MONTHS AGO? Didn't I just finish paying them more money than I'll ever actually have at one time in my entire life, most of it financed through loans so I haven't even actually paid anyone yet? The answer to those questions is yes.
My response, with relevant spaces left blank so I can use it for the next twenty or thirty years.
Dear President ______________,
Thank you for your letter requesting $________. Unfortunately, I will not be able to donate at this time. It has been ____ years since I graduated. I currently make $_____ a year, and I still owe $___________ on my student loans. When I pay off my loans in ____ years, including the $__________________ of interest that will have accumulated, I probably won't give you any money, but I'll certainly put some thought into it.
I just ate a gargantuan lunch at a vegetarian place near campus, and now I really want to take a nap.