statement of purpose

My statement of purpose is that I have no purpose.

Oh, doesn't that sound dramatic? Really things aren't so dire, mostly because I'm too exhausted from seventeen straight years of schooling to really care about anything beyond graduating next Thursday. What's that you say? I should be studying for finals so that I will actually graduate instead of writing in my 'blog'?

You clearly don't know me very well. Seventeen years of school has done little to curb my propensity for procrastination.

Back to my original point--I have no purpose.

Well, I won't, as of roughly noon on May 11. The two goals that I had growing up, the two things that I wanted to do with my life, were to get out of Wisconsin and to graduate from college. I never thought beyond graduation; hell, I rarely thought beyond getting accepted.

And now, as I sit here and worry about how little motivation I have to study for finals because I already feel like I'm done, I'm worrying even more because I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I don't really know where this is going. I don't even know that worrying is the right word for how I feel, because I'm really looking foward to being a college graduate and having an apartment in New York, and I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to find a job and support myself and pay back my student loans. I can honestly say that I'm happy right now, and that's a pretty new thing for me.

I don't know what to do with myself though. I've spent the last eight years or so working towards this moment, and I'm so close to being done. I don't know how I'm going to feel next Thursday; I'm wondering when all of this is going to hit me, really hit me. I wonder what I'm going to do, what my next goal will be. I wonder if it will be grad school; that seems like a pretty good possibility right now. I like this whole "BA" thing, but "PhD" sounds much cooler. If I get my doctorate, I'm totally going to make everyone call me "Doctor Marina." And I will continue to say "totally" and "dude," because I am just that awesome.

In conclusion, there is no conclusion. I haven't figured out how I feel about any of this, and I'm too worried about my anthropology take-home final to concentrate on any one idea for longer than ten minutes.