open letter

Dear Kira,

It seems you left a bottle of Hennessy in the cabinet. You don't seem like a cognac person; maybe Max left it here? Maybe you bought it for a party? Who really knows; the point is, I love you so much right now. Oh, also, you know those little water glasses you got at Ikea? They're just the right size to pretend that they're tumblers ("lowball" glasses? rocks glasses? Old fashioned glasses? Confusing!).

In conclusion, you are the best. Let's video chat soon!

Love,
Marina

Dear Kid on the Corner Outside My Window,

Why do you keep blowing your whistle when the cop cars drive by? Is it the sirens? The sirens sound better when accompanied by loud, insistent blows on your whistle?

I hate you,
marinatina


Dear Little Girl I Just Heard Scream "Somebody got shot!"

Really?

Congratulations on the loss of your innocence,
marinatina


Dear Police Mans and/or Womans,

Why do you keep driving by my window with the sirens on? Can't you find some other route that's less annoying to me?

I hope that helicopter I hear doesn't belong to you,
marinatina


Dear Helicopter Pilot,

Seriously, what the fuck is up?

I hope you're just a traffic copter that's lost it's way,
marinatina


Dear Other Cat,

I can't believe you just licked my apple. I put something down for one minute and you ruin it. Stop biting my knee, asshole!

Next time I'm throwing you out the window,
marinatina


Dear Mom and/or Dad,

Just kidding about the cop cars and the shooting! Harlem is safe!

Send money,
marinatina