stop hassling me!

Short List of Things That Happened Since My Last Post

(1) Partied with rock stars.

(2) Went shopping with my mom and got two (2) pairs of shoes, bringing my shoe total to two (2).

(3) Went to an awesome party at Jason's house.

(4) Spent time with my grandma and saw my aunt and my cousin and his friend for the first time in years.

(5) Stopped getting paid check by Internet.

(6) Decided to apply for Teach for America and move to Chicago.

(7) So many other overwhelming things that I can't even remember them.

Now that I'm down to one job, I will have the time and energy to write something besides lists or transcribed conversations. I obviously don't have the energy to do so tonight, but Jason's been hassling me to post about the rock stars, as the partying happened at his house. That's right, rock stars partied at Jason's house last week.

Seriously though, Ankla is the best new band out there, and you should all listen to their music and go to their show with me this Sunday if you're in New York.

shortly

In lieu of a long update which seems impossible at the moment, most likely because I've been doing nothing but sleeping and TiVo-ing for the past two days, two quick quotes--

Scene 1:
Dick's Bar, Hudson, WI, with Cousin and Cousin's Friends. Spent most of night observing fratty assholes, desperate/ugly girls, at least six different bridal showers full of desperate/ugly girls, and a lot of old people. Got bored towards the end of the night, decided to talk to random guy standing near me, who was not obviously ugly in the mercifully dim lighting of Dick's, but did I mention I was bored? And also I think I might have been talking to one of my cousin's friends about how it wasn't that hard to hit on people, you just had to do it? Anyway. I start talking to this guy who seems normal, I guess, or at least not clearly insane and also not clearly in a frat. Blah blah blah, drunk conversation, which at some point involved me laughing at one of the drunk girls there, probably because she flashed her thong or something. (Seriously, I saw like six thongs that night.) That led to this exchange:

marinatina: Wow, these girls are crazy desperate.
Random Guy: Yeah.
marinatina: Seriously, what the fuck? [I am a judgemental drunk, and also a judgemental... sober?]
Random Creepy Guy: Yeah, but I mean, come on, you'd hook up with me. [gives me what he thinks is his Sexy Look but is really his Induce Vomiting Look]
marinatina: I...what? [this guy can't be serious, right?
Random Asshole: What? You would.
marinatina: [laughs hysterically] Yeah, right. I'm going to go now.

Seriously, who the fuck does that? What is wrong with people from Hudson? I talk to this guy for five minutes and spend like half of that making fun of the sad desperate wounded gazelles that are Hudson girls, and he thinks I'm going to sleep with him?

Scene 152:
Family kitchen. Unidentified Family Member opens fridge, looks around for something to eat for breakfast. Grabs yogurt.

Unidentified Family Member #1: [looks for date on yogurt] August 12... that's in the past isn't it?
Unidentified Family Member #2: [laughs hysterically] Man, our fridge is sad.


Scene 158:
marinatina is sitting at Caribou Coffee, using free WiFi from the Bruegger's next door. marinatina will be here until she meets her mom at 11am to have lunch with her dad and his work friends. Lunch is at a Chinese place that isn't going to have many vegetarian options. So far marinatina has gotten by eating fish & chips, but her arteries are starting to hurt from all that fried food. marinatina wishes science would advance already because she really wants her damn food in damn pill form, a là The Jetsons.


And to end this very disjointed post, one last exchange, this time from the car on the way to Roseville, MN, which is where I am right now, omg yay:

marinatina: [says something funny, because, obviously it is, I said it, and then proceeds to laugh hysterically]
marinatina's mom: You are so weird.

undecided

In the end, I got what I wanted and the decision was made for me. More on this when I've decided how I feel about it.

I wanted a week off, a week where I wouldn't have to worry about anything, well anything beyond the usual crap I worry about, and now I have it.

In closing, a transcription of an interaction with a librarian at the Jefferson Market branch of the New York Public Library:

[marinatina arrives at library, notices library is closed and gated, looks for book drop in which to deposit her six-weeks-overdue library books.]
marinatina: Where the fuck is the book drop?
Random Old Guy: I don't think there is one?
marinatina: I... what?
[marinatina decides Random Old Guy is probably senile or something, proceeds to walk around to side entrance with handicap access in hopes that there's also book return access, ultimately fails and stands around looking confused for at least a minute]
[side door opens!]
marinatina: Do you work here? [Because hey, maybe she didn't work there and was just inside before the library opened because... there's no reason that she would be inside. I am dumb.]
Librarian: Yeah...
marinatina: Is there a book drop?
Condescending Librarian: Oh, nooo. [I mean, why the fuck would a LIBRARY have a BOOKDROP, I mean, how stupid was I to even think there would be a bookdrop?]
marinatina: Okay... but my books are overdue...
Uncaring Librarian: We open at noon.
marinatina: But I have to be at work at noon. Can't I just give them to you?
Heinous Librarian: Oh, we don't take books through this door.
marinatina: But... they're six weeks overdue...
Evil, Bitchfaced Librarian: We open at noon.
marinatina: But... I work at... they're overdue... whatever. [gives librarian dirty look, gives up and walks away to call mother and whine]

What the fuck kind of library doesn't have a bookdrop? Especially when they do have fancy automated email software that threatens their patrons with a collection agency when their books are a mere six weeks late. This is why you should just buy books and support poor, starving writers so they can afford to buy their books instead of relying on stupid evil heinous shrews who are a shame to the noble profession of librarians.

please everyone vote for this man

If you know me at all, you know that I'm mildly obsessed with Senator Russ Feingold, Democrat from Wisconsin. Here's one reason why--

Lawrence Neste, a veteran and town chairman of Springbrook asked, "What happened to our flag amendment?" He said, "We lost by one vote."
"You lost because you did not get enough votes, and one of the reasons is that I did not vote for it," said Feingold.
"That's right," said Neste.
"With respect, I respect the flag and I respect your service to our country. I believe the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, as it is, never been changed, the Bill of Rights. I don't think we should amend the Bill of Rights, the first time in the history of our country, for a few jerks that burn a flag. It harms the majesty of the Bill of Rights.
"Still, I understand why people want it. It seems to me the flag stands for our freedom and one of our freedoms is to do dumb things, but I don't think people who burn the flag should be accorded any respect or as people who are credible."
"Sometime we need change," said Neste.
"That's fair," responded Feingold. "That's why we have elections."

(from an article in The Spooner Advocate about Russ's most recent listening session in Spooner.)

In the words of my mom who sent me the article in the first place, "No pandering or equivocating or mealy mouthing. Wow."

He didn't make excuses or try to get around the question, he just told this Mr. Neste that he didn't agree with his position and told him that if he didn't like that, he should vote for someone else. I can't get over how impressive that is.

I went to one of Russ's listening sessions in Hudson, WI, at least four years ago; I think it was during winter break of my freshman year. I had heard of Russ, but my hopeless crush on him began that day. First of all, the man has done listening sessions in all seventy-two countie in Wisconsin every year for the past fourteen years. That's impressive enough, but I refuse to believe anyone could go to a listening session and not come away with an enormous amount of respect for the man, whether or not you agree with his politics. He actually, seriously, genuinely listens to people. At the listening session I was at, a high school student asked him about his position on something, and Russ told him he honestly didn't know that much about it. He had one of his staffers get information from the kid, and they were talking for at least twenty minutes. He listened to every single person who asked a question, took copious notes, made sure his staffers talked to anyone who wanted to give or get more information, and generally acted like someone who cared about what his constituents had to say.

However, sexy as his listening skills were, that is not the reason I developed my awesomely geeky crush on the junior Senator from Wisconsin. About midway through the session, this curmudgeonly retiree stood up and proceeded to go off on a tirade about all of the things Senator Feingold had voted for or against proved that Russ "hated the military, was trying to help the terrorists, and loved killing babies." That kind of statement really got everyone's attention. The meeting room at the old Hudson Municipal Building was quiet for thirty seconds while Russ looked over the notes he'd written while the cranky old man was going on and on about how Russ loved abortion, etc, and then he started talking. Russ went through each of the bills the angry grandpa had mentioned, pointed out where he had gotten Russ's vote wrong, explained why he voted the way he did, and then, at the end, the moment that made me fall in love--"So that's how I voted. And if you don't agree with the way I voted, you probably shouldn't vote for me."

Seriously. He seriously sad that. It was mean or vindictive, Russ just explained how he had voted and why, and then he told the crazy old man that if he didn't agree with Russ's votes, he should vote for the other guy next time.

Oh, and by the way, "next time" was the 2004 elections, where Russ got 44,000 more votes than Kerry did in Wisconsin, which added up to the most votes any politician has ever recieved in Wisconsin. Ever.

I'll leave you with this, which is the best news I've heard today and also references the best news I heard this week. Yay for Ned Lamont. Let's just hope fucking Lieberman doesn't run as an independant.

And yes, I am choosing to ignore any other news that may have come out of Lebanon or Israel or London today. I can only handle so much reality.

at least i'm not talking about my cat...today

I know I've said this before, but I wish I lived in communist Russia. I just want someone to tell me what to do. And all the vodka I can drink!

I'm going home on Saturday and staying until the following Sunday, which is oh so thrilling. I think I'll split my time between thinking about my future and drinking to forget that I have to think about my future. And going to the national gymnastics championships. And partying with my cousin. He's throwing a party just for me!

WTF?!!?

Damn it all.

This news just makes me that much happier that I went to their show at Irving Plaza (I think? Or maybe it was Bowery Ballroom) last summer. I was proud of myself at the time for going to a show alone, and now I'm happy that I at least got to see them once. I'll never get over the fact that I didn't get to see Rage Against the Machine in concert (I had plans to buy tickets when they were touring with the Beastie Boys, but then someone broke an ankle and then RATM broke up and then I cried), so I'm happy that I at least got to see Sleater-Kinney in concert.

They were quite good, too. I don't go to that many concerts, mostly because I'm broke (and also possibly cheap), but when I do make it to a show, I appreciate bands that put on a high-energy show. I don't remember the opening bands that much; mostly I remember sitting on the floor in the back of the room, waiting for Sleater-Kinney to come out and feeling ridiculously awkward. But then they started playing, and they played songs that I had just started listening to (I swear, I'm at least five years behind every musical trend) but already loved, and I forgot my awkwardness and just enjoyed the show. I know they played "Combat Rock" and I think they played "Words and Guitar" during the encore and of course the entirety of "The Woods," which had just been released. That was one of the first CDs I had bought in months if not years (mostly because I've been broke for months if not years). I was so proud of myself for actually buying a CD just because I thought it would be cool and going to a show alone, just because I thought the band was cool. I tried desperately to get someone to go with me, and when I failed utterly to convince anyway, I considered not going. Determination to try new things won out, and I had a lot of fun. That show is one of my favorite memories from last summer, and Sleater-Kinney will always remind me of that feeling of independence. I'm sad they won't be around anymore, but I can understand why they'd need a break after eleven years together. I hope this hiatus will end someday, but if it doesn't, I'll still have those memories of independence and self-reliance. Plus, I don't think I've even heard every Sleater-Kinney album, so I probably have at least another year of discovering their music.

Anyway. I will miss Sleater-Kinney and always remember them when I'm trying to decide whether to go to a show alone, or do anything alone. Grrrl power or whatever.

there are other concerns besides the law

The heat wave is breaking, and with it, my sour mood. My worries and anxieties melted away with the heat, or at least the worst of them. It is still summer, and I am still a worrier, but the worst of it is over. There will be other heat waves, and I will have other crap moods, but they will both pass, eventually.

My aunt is coming to visit in mid-September, and my cousin will be here in October. Actually, two of my cousins will be here on two different weekends in October. And of course, my other cousin will be here this month for a show. There should be a list of cities he'll be hitting up on his tour, and I encourage you to check one out if you get the chance. I for one am planning on going to his house show in Brooklyn, even though I'll probably end up taking the subway back to Harlem at like 4am. Maybe I'll take a car service... look, the point is, go see Jeb's show! Wait, that's the most recent point, but the real bottom line is that I'm going home in a week to see some of my family, and I'll see even more of them in the following month or so, and for that, I am thrilled.

Eew, this is all so fucking cheesy. Earlier, my cat tried to step onto our makeshift coffee table from the couch and completely missed--little did she know I'd moved the table the night before for reasons that escape me! I went to The Strand earlier. I saw Sarah Vowell's new book and decided to find her previous book, The Partly Cloudy Patriot. I walked around for like half an hour, getting distracted by travel books and fiction (why is it they only have the Margaret Atwood books that I've already read?), eventually figuring out where the Americana section started and ended. I found Sarah Vowell's new book on the shelf and was mildly annoyed her old book wasn't there. I wandered back towards the front, where the bag check and the Best-selling Fiction table were, and sitting six inches away from the new book (Assassination Vacation? I can't quite remember, and I'm too tired to check)? A hardcover copy of The Partly Cloudy Patriot. I am so very observant.

The book is quite excellent so far. I think I'll be able to get a lot of reading done tomorrow, when I'm not working on research. It's my last Saturday at the lab, hopefully the last Saturday that I'll have to work for 10 hours for quite awhile. I'm going out to celebrate with two lovely people, and I'm finally buying a desk and a dresser on Sunday. Free bus to IKEA, that is a genius idea.

"baby-faced kids with adult-sized rap sheets"

I was right; I do know a lot more about my employment situation tonight than I did last night when I wrote that totally crap entry. However, I am a lot more pessimistic about my situation than I was 24 hours ago. I suppose it's bad form to talk about things like this on the internets, so I'll try to be at least a little circumspect.

(See, I use words like "circumspect" in casual conversation! That should at least get me a job with health insurance! Come on!)

(Oh god, what if I used "circumspect" incorrectly?!? How embarrassing!)

Basically, I don't have as many options as I thought I did, and I’m even more unsure about what I want to do with myself for the next year or two. Well, I have general ideas of what I’d like to be doing next September, what I’d like to be doing during the 2008 election, and what I’d like to do after Election Night, but I’m so unsure how to get there.

God, blah blah blah, I’ve said the same thing at least six hundred times. Maybe not here, but I’ve forced most of my friends and family, and really anyone who crosses my path, to listen to me talk about this incessantly for the past three weeks (I think there’s a split infinitive in there somewhere), and I’m just sick of it. I won’t know anything else concrete until next Monday, and I think I’m at my breaking point. Not like last weekend when I my nerves were at my breaking point; now I’m just sick of thinking about this all the time, sick of letting myself obsess over this instead of working on all the things that I complain I don’t have enough time to work on because I’m working all the time.

I am the queen of excessively long sentences.

From now on, I will spend less time worrying about work and more time researching and making jewelry and reading and watching movies and writing and cleaning and doing all of the other things that really matter to me.

"i wouldn't even do that in a straight bar"

I went to a free movie with kira and max tonight. It’s called Miss Potter, and it was fairly awful. I really just hate Renee Zellweger’s face, and I’m angry that she was cast as Beatrix Potter. Also, I honestly just hate the way her face looks. I hate her stupid expressions, and she is really a terrible actor. The movie itself wasn’t awful, but it had about six different plots, none of which were satisfactorally resolved. I can’t figure out what I was supposed to think of the movie. It ended by saying Potter bought 14 farms and then left them to the National Trust, but it had only mentioned that twice before the end. We had to fill out a questionairre afterwards, and I referenced my hate for Renee at least six different times. Why did you dislike the beginning of the movie? "V. disappointed to see Renee Zellweger."

Anyway, the movie was terrible, but the movie going exprience was not so bad. It was free afterall, and we got to sit in air conditioned splendor for over two hours. I didn’t spend any money there, but then I spent $11 at the “European Street Food” fast food place. It wasn’t very European, or at least Central European—no smaženy sýr. Also, how does fast food cost $11, even with the beer? Bastards. I had fish and chips, and it was sort of awful. The chips were okay, but the fish was not so great. I did enjoy the beer, though.

I’m watching Thirty Days, and it’s fairly awesome. Or intriguing, at the very least. The one on homosexuality just started, and the straight guy's friends are talking about how gays can’t be churchy, and the guy who was talking is clearly repressed. Like, he is just obviously gay. There were more than a few people like that around me growing up, and I think it's such a fascinating phenomenon. I guess any sort of religious phenomenon is fascinting to me because it's so entirely outside of what really matters to me.

I have a fairly important meeting tomorrow; I think by tomorrow afternoon, I might know a little more about my employment situation. Maybe. Possibly. I bet I could be just a little more vague if I really tried.

Wow, this post sounds so complainy, but I'm actually feeling pretty good. Also, could I say "fairly" just a few more times?

the cw: be free to suck ass

It is ungodly hot right now. Despite the fact that my financial situation is tenuous at best, I'm totally fine with the fact that the AC has been running constantly for the past two days. It is in the triple fucking digits! What the fuck? I was planning on finishing a bunch of research today for my meeting with my favorite professor in the world tomorrow, but I can't handle the idea of thinking. It's too hot to think! My computer is running slow; I'm not even mad because it's probably just too hot to process anything normally. I'm sleeping on the floor of the living room tonight; that's where the magic cool machine is. I have so many things to do, rather so many things I wanted to do during my vacation, but it's just too fucking hot!

I've been dreaming of living in Europe, not that it would help me escape the heat. Anything that involves not being here, in this place that makes me hot and sweaty and confused. What if I got my masters degree in Europe? Maybe the Anglo-American College or Masaryk University, or maybe even Charles University. Anything that will get me to the CZ. I'm just too tired to deal with life in New York, but I can feel myself moving towards a decision, and now I just feel like if the heat abates just a little bit, I might be able to think clearly enough to decide what I really want.